How am I living outside of my integrity and out-of-alignment with my values?
Once again I've gone awry and gotten a few days behind on my commitment to 30 Days of Reflection writing, which goes well with this question.
I know I wobble in and out of alignment with myself on a daily basis. As if my life is the scale that is never in balance. Add too much to one side and I plummet down one way, try to add more to the other side? I end up not adding enough or too much and end up with the same predicament on the other side.
It's hard up here in Alaska and with my work. My schedule changes almost on a daily basis. I'll work nights for three days, one morning shift, then nights again for two. The following week I'll get switched to morning for two days, nights for two days, then another morning shift before my weekend comes. By the time my weekend comes all I want to do is try and catch up on sleep and spend half the day just doing that.
I value effort and getting tasks done during the day that need to be done and I'm having a hard time committing to those values up here. It's always dark, it's cold, and it's only going to get colder and darker. I know I can make it through, I just need to do it without being a total lazy slug and gaining ten or fifteen pounds.
I need to be okay with saying 'no' to being around people. I need to say yes to being with myself for awhile and living like I was alone. Even though I'm up here living in Alaska alone, seasonal work never really makes you feel like you're alone because you're always transitioning into new communities, living in them, and meeting new people constantly.
I need to be alone. I need to do the work I came here to do which requires for me to shut myself in. To hibernate like the bears.